Scared
by xConquistadora
Summary: I know we have hearts. How do I know? It's simple. -XigDem-


Time for a XigDem drabble! Because...y'know, inspiration hit me, and I -had- to write. Also, take this into account: I don't usually write first-person stories, so this will be new for me. I hope I do good.

Rating: T, and some mild swearing will be had.

Warnings?: Some Male x Male. Yup.

Point of View: Demyx's.

Anything Else?: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Everybody knows this. EVERYBODY.

Now enjoy~ hopefully.

* * *

I know we have hearts.

How do I know?

It's simple.

I'm utterly fucking _scared_.

In a world where tiny shadows in the streets rise to take on a mangy form of a monster of golden eyes and knife-like claws, in a world where the only source of light on the ground is the halogen and tungsten burning as a neon light on the buildings, in a world where the moon is not a circle or a crescent, but a giant heart composed of the souls of poor pedestrian people who've fallen into darkness, I am not allowed to have a heart.

No one is.

We've fallen into darkness and thus, according to our self-appointed leader, who seems to be the only one who can lead us around safely, the darkness has taken away our souls. Within our souls are our hearts, the things that emotionally allowed us to show sympathy or happiness or sadness or anger. And now those are gone, faded into the night and swept up into that large 'moon' that floats high above the world that should have never been, but was.

_Bullshit._

They're here. You cannot steal an emotion from a person. It defies every law of physics, science, biology, anatomy, common sense- whatever. It defies _everything._

Yet...we defy everything. Normal people can't summon water or a giant sitar or faceless creatures that dance around at your command. I can do that, you know. They don't call me the Melodious Nocturne for nothing.

But they're _here_. As I said, I know, because I'm so _scared._ Of _him_.

Not our leader...I somewhat respect him. Respect is different from fear.

It's _Xigbar_ that scares me.

He's my only friend.

He's my tutor.

He's my superior by seven ranks.

He's my journal; if anything bothers me, I rant to him about it.

He's my pillow; I've literally fallen asleep on him once and he wasn't put off by it. Instead, he sat there and let me rest.  
He's my only friend. I think I've said that already.

But I'm so _scared_.

Actually, it's not even _he_ that scares me... sure, he may have a menacing scar upon his cheek. He may have an eyepatch that shields the unvenial sight of a white, blinded eye. He may have the spookiest golden glare, one that rivals the Heartless'. He may have a crooked grin with that one fang that makes you want to run, and scream, and shout '_VAMPIRE' _and grab a fucking stake and stick it into his heart. But I'm not scared of him.

I'm scared of what he'll do if I tell him what I'm scared of.

See, that makes _two_ things I'm scared of him about. Make sense? It somehow does, I promise. The main thing I'm scared of is his reaction. His reaction to what?  
Well, I'm scared that he'd reject me if I told him that I don't want to be just a friend. I don't want to be just a pupil. I don't want to be just a neophyte, or the writer in the journal. I want to be the person that falls asleep on him and curls up, and stays there in his arms forever. I want to be _more_ than the friend title. Our bond _could _go that far and I truly want it to.

But he doesn't? I fear rejection. I fear _his_ rejection.

So I'm scared of him. Every day. Through the smiles and the laughs and the occasional hug that totally spooks him because he never expects it, I'm scared.

Yet I'm still so safe around him.

And I _know_ that I cannot live in fear around him. There isn't much time.  
You see, there's this brat. His name is Sora, but Xigbar jokingly began calling him 'sore-ass', and it's just sort of stuck as the secret little nickname we gave him. Anyway, I digress.

He wants to kill us. For some odd reason or another, he wants to go and destroy every one of us with his weapon of light (which is a giant key. I emphasize. _A GIANT FUCKING KEY_.) and then he wants to dance on our graves and go on with his miserable little life.

And he's getting really, really close to us.

It's only a matter of time before he gets here we're gone.

Therefore, our leader calls up a group meeting. He's decided that he's going to start sending out members to random missions, in hopes that Sora will find us and fight us, and then we can kill him. Guess what? I get picked first. And I seriously cannot understand why. I am _not_ the best fighter. I'll admit that right now. There's a lot of others who are much better than me, so I don't get why I have to go first.

But I have to.

So I sigh and accept the mission, and I have to stay behind as the others leave. Our Superior tells me that I just have to go to this place, do something to bring attention to myself, and just fight him. I nod and walk off after that, but I'm not going right away. If I go now, and fail at the mission, I will die having lived a life of fear. I can't die like that. So I head right to my friend's room.

I wait there, calmly, and soon he appears, having coming back from that meeting. He glances at me with what seems to be a worried expression and just for once, I hope it really is. I hope he really is worried. That would be just more proof that we have hearts.

"You're goin' now?" Xigbar asks me, and cross my arms. My lips are dry, and I can't answer when I'm like that, so I lick them subconciously and speak.

"I have to say bye to you first."

There's a silence that follows and that sly grin appears on my friend's face. "Well, I'm here. See ya around, kid, and beat him up good, okay?"

I nod slowly, and I tell myself I'll do the best I can. Maybe, _maybe_, if I try hard enough, I'll actually come back victorious and I won't have to live in fear anymore. But before I go do that, there's something I have to do.

In a matter of seconds, I've walked over towards the gunman (oh, did I tell you? He has guns! He makes jokes about them all the time...) and I've grabbed his hand, tugged him over, and kissed him. There is a pause from him at first and just as I've pulled back, he's the one who's switched the roles around and he's tugging _me _close, holding me, kissing me. And suddenly I'm no longer afraid.

A second goes on and just like that, it's over, and he exhales slowly before giving me an odd look. "I can't believe," he starts, and I bite my lower lip, expecting the worst. "that you'd actually wait that long to do that. Seriously, kid, you're about to go someplace that you might not return from..."

I frown at this and soon, it's me who's exhaling slowly and giving the other the odd stare. "But...I was scared to." I say, truthfully, and his odd look turns to one that's almost...amused? That's what it appears to be, anyway.

"Scared? Kid, we can't be scared." Xigbar shook his head and he takes a step forward, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair away from in front of my eyes. That bang has been harshly trained to stay there, however, and soon springs back up to its normal position. "We kinda...require a heart to feel something like fear. And you know damn well-"

"I was _scared_, Xigbar." I flatly say, and he seems to pause at this. There's another silence before I finally speak again. "That you wouldn't accept this. I was _scared_."

There's another silence, yet again, and I shudder. These silences aren't fun.

But this time, it's Xigbar who breaks it, with a small snort. "Whatever, kid." he says, and soon I look up and see that his forehead's against mine. "Y'know, between you and me, there could be something there." he murmurs, and I swear my eyes are widening as he speaks. "This.." he gestures between us, "can't just be physical attraction."

"So you understand me." I say, in a timid whisper, and he shrugs. A small sound of 'eh' escapes him and I laugh a little, and soon I have to step back. "Xigbar. I really should go. The mission-"

"Fail it." Xigbar mutters suddenly and I glance at him with genuine surprise. I'm about to speak up, ask him what he means, when he speaks. "Run away. Kid, if you see Roxas- or Sora, whatever, and he fails to respond, don't do what that note says." he points at something in my pocket, and I glance down. Wait. When had Superior given me that? I can't recall him ever giving me that...or maybe I was just too wrapped up in my thoughts to notice he gave it to me? I don't know. "Do not use aggression. Just...run. And get back here. Back to us, back to me. Okay?"

I allow one last silence to creep by us before I tilt my head. "...why?"

I see him hesitate and a hand crawls up to my shoulder. Fingers run loosely through my hair and I now hear Xigbar's voice by my ear.

"It's simple. I'm utterly fucking _scared_."

* * *

Heeeee. c:

No flames, please? Because...flames are bad. Very bad! Nobody wants a fire to start, right?

Nobody. Ahahaha. -point- Nobody. Ahhaha. I'll shut up now.

You know, I've noticed that I use repetition a lot in my stories. Hmm. Well, I DO think it's a good way to bring a story together...but..anyway.

Reviews make me happy, though~


End file.
